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In My Experience


Sigh.

I miss camming. I miss camming on iFriends.

Browsing through the site and my friends’ profiles and archives, I feel positively *nostalgic*. I miss being alone in my studio apartment *working it*. I miss the thrill of never knowing what the night would bring. I miss checking my stats and seeing the money add up. I miss performing a one-on-one service. I miss PERFORMING. I even miss the boredom of sitting around waiting for customers. I miss the comradery I had with other camgirls. I miss hearing men’s voices and secrets. I miss feeling like I was doing a good job. I miss knowing I made one person at a time feel good. I miss the duality of solitude and connection. I miss the gamble of that being my sole source of income. I miss the feeling of discovery.

I’ve never felt this longing for a job or period of time in my life before. It’s not that I want to be where I was six years ago or that I don’t love what I do now (running our own paysites) but I do want to recapture certain elements of that old life when it was new, and I think getting back to doing private shows and phone sex would refresh me. I guess I remember that as a focused time in my life when things were simpler and less convoluted. I didn’t have as many choices for what to do with my time to make money, and my customers made so many decisions for me. There was a bigger adrenaline rush to the whole thing. Now I have such a variety of duties and ideas and possibilities and to-do’s and scattered half-finished projects I feel overwhelmed and have a hard time motivating myself and making efficient decisions.

I realize that these are stupid things to complain about, and that if I want to start camming again I can . . . right now. But I love the bed I’ve made for myself and I wouldn’t slow my progress to sit around in an empty chatroom trying to build up regulars just to satisfy some silly sentimental escapist notions.

The only reason I’m posting this is to give people an idea of how addictive this kind of work can be. It makes you feel a certain way that I don’t think any other job can. It feeds your ego, it feels like a total gamble (because you NEVER KNOW how much money you will or won’t make or how much traffic you’ll have), and you hear things from other people that you will never ever EVER hear anywhere else. Oh sure, you might hear stories and confessions and all kinds of stuff as a reporter or therapist or priest, but you won’t be hearing them in the context of sex work as they are openly masturbating and that makes all the difference in the world.

As a camgirl you put on a spectacularly cheap and convincing charade. In that little 320×240 window a girl with acne scars can appear to have flawless skin. A thick girl can be a goddess. Get just the right camera angle and D cup boobs become giant EE’s. Donning a cheap pair of supermarket pantyhose can earn you more lucrative adoration than the most expensive pair of Wolford tights you could find. They have one window into a world you created, pointed at one tidy corner of a room, and you close that window when the show is over. You have complete control over that little space and even though it’s tiny, it takes over the customer’s entire field of vision. It can take over YOUR OWN. You can let yourself think that if you’re good in that 320×240, if you LOOK good and you smile and you earn your money and they thank you and promise to come back for more next time, that you may as well be perfect, and the laundry piling up doesn’t exist, the unwashed dishes are meaningless, and huffing down a bowl of top ramen is all the sustenance you need. All you have to do is make enough money to pay your rent and buy your next cheap pair of pantyhose and maybe a shiny $12 bargain slimvibe. Nobody has to know that your hair is greasy and that you spent six hours laying in bed watching Forensic Files today. You don’t have to be ambitious, you just have to look good when you turn that cam on and you’re 320 pixels high. And that’s easy. Even if you’re ugly you will find someone out there who will pay you to be ugly JUST FOR THEM. And they’ll tell you you’re beautiful. And pay you. It’s a thrill you never get over. You might need a break from it but a week, a month, a year or five years down the line YOU WILL MISS BEING A WHORE, 320×240.

CLICK HERE to browse the babes in their boxes.

Note: viewers are no longer limited to 320×240 windows — the quality of feeds has improved dramatically since I started camming in 2000. Some chathosts even broadcast in HD, and there are a few who offer multiple-cam angles and even 3D.

Watching a girl performing a show the other day I suspected she was on some kind of upper. She had a darling face and engaging personality, sort of a cross between Brigitte Bardot and Charo, but she was all over the place. The video stream couldn’t keep up with her rapid jerky movements. She was trying to be sexy but had no attention span so it was just one bump, grind, and pose to another with no smooth or sultry transition. She was frenetic, not seductive.

I happened to remark on this in another chatroom and one of the viewers knew exactly who I was talking about, saying that yeah — she seemed to be on speed and he avoided her shows.

*****

On another day I related how impressed I am with a particular camgirl with her own site who does a *buttload* of free shows for her members, some of them going on longer than five hours. When I read about how much camming she was doing, I was bowled over (as were many people) since it’s hard to do that much camming without getting burned out. At least part of the secret of her success was revealed to me by another viewer who mentioned that he observes her drinking . . . a lot . . . throughout her shows.

*****

I know a number of my closest friends (my boyfriend being one of them) never cam without using some kind of mind-altering substance. Wine, weed, speed . . . whatever. They have their own preferences.

You have to wonder if they do this simply because they can, because they work at home and can freely combine work with their drug(s) of choice (and would use them if performing a straight job if drug-use were permitted), or if it’s because they *need* them in order to do their jobs. Does the job simply attract addicts or does it MAKE them?

Drugs (like alcohol) are often social lubricants, so it makes sense for sex workers to use them; we have to be social and we have to be . . . lubricated, if you will. Of course they also reduce our inhibitions, allowing us to do things we might be uncomfortable doing sober. If society were less sexually inhibited would fewer of us rely upon drugs to do our sex work? Would we need sex workers at all if society were less sexually inhibited?

*****

Tons of people have written about how stripping and substance abuse go hand in hand, and have explored the pair’s causes, effects, and vicious circles. While I think sex workers probably do have more issues with substance abuse and addictions, and that some of those issues are related to the way sex work is done and how it’s perceived, I doubt that our problems with drugs and alcohol are much more serious than the straight-world’s problems with drugs and alcohol. The problems with drugs/alcohol are serious across the board.

Still, the lifestyle we have combines a lot of freedom with fringe-dwelling; we’re independent (or at least independent contractors) and we’re often removed from polite company to the point of being socially isolated or operating on the fringes where more people self-medicate than do those in the world of white picket fences.

Of course, there are plenty of camgirls who work at home and LIVE in white-picket-fenced neighborhoods, but in their bedrooms and basements (wherever they do their shows or phone sex) they are ALONE in a place their neighbors don’t see or realize exists right next door to them. These webwhores don’t exchange conversation over the fence or tea with the cul de sac’s other housewives regarding the hours they spend fucking themselves with spatulas, shampoo bottles, and cucumbers on cam for strangers. That kind of social isolation, the kind where you’re surrounded by people who don’t know anything about your daily life (but would probably judge you harshly if they did), is almost more lonely than not talking to anyone at all.

A chick posted on a porn webmaster board to announce, “As of yesterday I’m full time Cam girl! Goodbye corporate job! ”

It’s not her announcement I find interesting since “she” probably is not a real webwhore in the first place; what I find interesting is the way these “adult webmasters” respond to the idea of a woman making a living as a webwhore. Here are a few of the gems:

who in their right mind thinks of ‘camgirl’ as a career?

First of all, she never said it was a “career”, but even if she did I find it bizarre that anyone would object to the label. Some people make more-than-decent livings as camwhores. The sad truth of it is that this person’s objection to her calling camming a “career” has nothing to do with whether or not she can make money at it, but their own fucked up judgements against sex workers.

excelent career move there hahaha

What hapens in 5 years when nobody wants to jack off to you any more?

Ahhh, and there we have the other portion of the equation regarding “why webwhoring is not a career” according to idiots: because there couldn’t possibly be any long-term future in it. We will become old, ugly and unattractive and “nobody will want to jack off to us anymore”. People who say that have no fucking clue what people will pay to jack off to. Oh, it is true that there’s a larger market for the young nubiles, but there is still a large market for women over 25, over 35, over 45, and so on. What we lose in tightness we gain in experience points — as a sex worker that often counts for more than youth and ignorance.

might not be your dream career, but with 7-8 k monthly income she’d making 10 times more than the average GFYer 😉

Ahh, a SANE remark by someone who recognizes that an ambitious camgirl’s earning potential is much greater than that of most of the asshat “adult webmasters” in this porn industry forum making stupid remarks. But oh, look at the retarded rejoinder from this dicksmoker:

That’s nice, we can also make 10k+ a month selling drugs, what’s your point. Nobody sane or intelligent or high class would ever leave a corporate job to do porn, that’s just pathetic.

According to this guy it may be a viable job, but it’s pathetic, insane, stupid and low-class comparable to being a drug seller and vastly inferior to working for someone else who caps your earnings, tells you when to come to work and when to leave and what to do. Yeah, you’d have to be a real trashy dumb-ass to give THAT up!

This is my first WordPress blog — I just installed it yesterday after years of devotion to Blogger, and so far WP is kicking Blogger’s ass.

Last night when I tried to post to my main blog, Blogger had shit in its pants, and tonight when I tried to post to it Blogger was busy sucking balls. What up? I appreciate that Blogger gives me better search engine placement and more exposure enough that I don’t mind having less functionality, but I’d really really like for it to be UP at least.

I love the comments one of her fans added to this photo: “sexy dancer… whoa…. like a pro!!!”

Dancing blonde.

I guess you’d have to have seen it live for her professional dancing skills to really shine. Oh wait! You can see THE VIDEO HERE. I’m not sure if the double-time video-editing was such a good idea though . . . it reminds me too much of the meth freaks in Spun.

Seeing those two cords strung up in front of her door, now THAT is the intimate glance into the world of a webwhore: you’ve got to get the light right, you don’t have a special room JUST for doing shows, and you’ve got cam cables and extension cords strung up all over hell. So many girls start working on iFriends just to make a little extra money — they do it very spontaneously and the rooms they work in often tell a very haphazard tale of setting up their home “studio” on a budget of something like seven dollars. It’s cute, it really is. I’ve been there. I’m *still* there.

I started camming on iFriends back in the year 2000. Over the past five years one of my favorite things to do is browse their photo and video archives.

A lot of people try to be camwhores without ever looking at it from the customers’ perspective . . . they get a chathost account but fail to sign up as a member (which only costs $1 for a lifetime membership). I’ve always tried to look at it from the customer’s perspectives. Maybe because I’m a natural-born wanker . . . hmmm.

There are so many people (thousands) on the site, often alone in their home or just with their girlfriend or boyfriend, making the craziest little clips, audio files, and snapshots. You see people drunk in the middle of the night, people who are bored, people who just want to make a few bucks. It’s a real window into people’s lives, usually people who are pretty poor . . . and sometimes they make it big by camming, becoming mini-porn celebrities on the site.

I’ve always wanted to make a log of some of my favorite webwhores in their finest hours . . . and most bizarre moments, too. Right here on LiveWebWhores.com is where I’ll post my interesting (and sometimes erotic) findings. It’s sort of like an ummm . . . anthropological study. That’s right! I’m not masturbating AT ALL!